Superhero Movies I’d Love to See…

Wow. I haven’t been on this site for a damn long time. A lot of things have changed. New layout, new writer, and the emo_ticon has changed his pseudonym in an apparent attempt to cover up his innate emo tendencies. (Way to go!) Some jerk-wad even removed the “comics” category.

The last time I was here I postulated the result of the Wrestlemania main event. Wrongfully too, though I must say, I’m not very disappointed about that. So today, here’s me waxing intellectual on another rare opportunity that I actually have nothing better to do than write on everyone’s favorite site.

By now, I’m sure everyone’s seen Iron Man, and the entire geekdom is amped by the upcoming GI Joe, Watchmen, Hellboy 2, The Dark Knight, Wolverine, The Incredible Hulk and many upcoming superhero movies. (granted, the Joes aren’t superheroes per se, but to survive as many gun fights unscathed as they do, one has to recognize the “super” in that bunch of real american heroes.)

There are still a slew of comic book and cartoon characters out there that I personally believe deserves the big screen treatment. (Or at least a straight-to-video, non-animated tribute.) These are the movies I’m not ashamed I have wet dreams about… and I’m sure this statement just caused people to wonder about the soundness of my mental state. Still, I like rambling about my geeky preferences and abuse the power of the Internet by airing said ramblings here.

INVINCIBLE

For real comic book fans, the Spiderman movies sucked ass. Don’t even try to use the whole box office blockbuster argument here… just because the masses ate it up doesn’t mean it’s actually good. “Go get ‘em tiger” my ass. It was Dawson’s Creek in spandex… dashed with a few action sequences and a pussy Peter Parker.

Now, in the tradition of the original Spiderman concept, we have Invincible, a series about a teenage superhero trying to make it in the biz while maintaining a normal life and living up to the name of his father who happens to be Earth’s number one super-powered protector. Imagine being Superman’s son. Yeah, that would suck.

This story has the potential for a really good movie, and it would most likely play out like other movies with similar concepts (Sky High comes to mind) but brings with it a legitimate comic book feel.

SHADOWPACT

DC’s answer to the BPRD is a band of second string superheroes that deal with supernatural phenomena. If there’s trouble in the world of magic, Shadowpact is there to make things right! With a roster that includes a former special effects genius that gets stuck in his own costume, an angel, a guy who dresses up in rags and collects mystic artifacts, a Shadowpact movie would be a visual and a mental treat! Oh, and they’re rounded up by Detective Chimp, the world’s greatest simian detective. Talking detective monkey = box office bucks, baby!

CAPTAIN AMERICA

They made a crappy Hulk movie and a few short years later they attempt to feature a better one probably in order to redeem the franchise. In the early 90s, they made a god awful Captain America (one of Marvel comics top dogs since the then named Timely comics introduced him in the forties mind you) movie and where’s the payback movie for all the loyal fans?  I must admit, Cap doesn’t need a movie, especially since Steve Rogers is (for the time being) dead, but come on, you have the opportunity to do things right here. Gives the shield slinging Avenger going up against Nazis or  Bin Laden or something! Don’t leave us with the memory of this.

And if they’re not very convinced about how well a Captain America movie would do in the box office, someone needs to remind them how much mainstream media attention Marvel got for killing Captain America. Hell, the press even broke the news before people even got to read the comic book, pissing off a number of fanboys for spoiling such a momentous comic book event!  Of course, I could be wrong, I mean, why make a Captain America movie when you could spend millions on much cooler characters like Elektra and Ghost Rider, right?

BLUE BEETLE AND BOOSTER GOLD

Think “Lethal Weapon” or “Rush Hour”, only with supervillains. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

NEW AVENGERS

We already have Spiderman, Iron Man and Wolverine, we just need to get a blonde guy to play Captain America, a big black guy to play Luke Cage, a stupid looking blond guy as The Sentry and Jessica Biel to play Spider Woman and you have an elite force to take down a prison break comprised of super villains. Who wouldn’t cream their pants watching The Sentry rip Carnage in half in a movie? I know I would.

Of course, there are a hundred comic book characters that I’d love to see done as a movie, like Ex Machina, Identity Crisis, Powers, Green Lantern, WildCATS, The Darkness, and a host of others…but not all comic book stories lend themselves to change in medium as easily as others. One could dream of course.